03-11-10
Well, it's been a little over 18 months since Shasmita joined our family. What an adventure it's been! She's added so much to our family! I've just been thinking about our trip to India to get her and some of the challenges that brought.
One of the hardest moments of our adoption was when I realized while we were still in India, that Shas didn’t like me! I had read the books and researched online and knew that often when a child came home, they bonded with one parent at first and not the other. But I assumed that Shasmita would bond with me! If she had to choose one of us at first, surely she would choose me. I am, after all, a seasoned mommy. But for whatever reason, she bonded right away with her daddy and not me. I tried everything. I gave her all the good stuff; her first bubble bath, the yummy food, the cute clothes, the dolls. Didn’t matter. She acted terrified of me. In fact, she would scream if I got too close or tried to hold her. Boy, was I discouraged when we left India for home. The flights were horrible as she cringed away from me and physically fought me when I had to take her to the bathroom. At some point on the unending, tear-filled flight from Delhi to London, I was struck by a sobering thought: I had sacrificed and prayed for this child for over a year. I had planned, cried and longed for her with my whole heart. I had traveled 8,000 miles to rescue her from what could be a horrible life. And she rejected me. I was crushed. But wait a second--what must God feel like when I do the same to Him? He sacrificed His beloved Son for me. He forgave me, loved me, cleaned me up, rescued me and adopted me. And I still choose to reject His plan for me so many times. To turn my back and do it my own way. The pain of my sin and rejection must hurt Him a million times more than what I experienced with Shasmita’s rejection. And I was struck by the fact that even when I sin, He chooses to continue to love me unconditionally. As I sat on that long flight thinking about God’s grace, I made a choice again to love my daughter unconditionally. No matter how long it took, even if she never loved me, I would steadfastly give her my constant love and care. I am beyond thankful that it was just a few short (actually kind of LONG) weeks and Shas decided I was okay. In fact, we were chatting over pizza the other day and she looked across the table and asked in her thick accent, "Did you always want an Indian princess with black hair and brown skin?" "Yes, I did!" I assured her. She thought about that for a minute and said, "I did not like you in India." I laughed, "I know. But you like me now, huh?" She blossomed into a smile, "Oh yes, Mommy, I love you now." And that made every moment of sacrifice, tears and rejection well worth the wait. Wonder how great God feels when I finally get it right?
